I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
