Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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