id be glad to
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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