Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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