What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
