you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
