Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
