i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
