The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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