we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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