in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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