my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
