Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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