My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
