A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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