yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
