Your dad touched me again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I touched a dick in church today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
