Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize