I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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