I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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