you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
