their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
