so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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