Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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