talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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