if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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