We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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