Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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