Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
