Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
