i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
