Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
