But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
