Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
