i just google imaged poop.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
