Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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