Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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