I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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