I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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