Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
