My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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