we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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