I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd cum for enchiladas.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
