you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
