now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
