No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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