If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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