I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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