the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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