Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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