I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
