oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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