At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
