i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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