I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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