In the future we'll all be gay
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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