You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
