no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize