I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
