Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
