I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
