I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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