Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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