I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
