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Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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